Something obsessive compulsive.

OCD wins again, and I have decided to transcribe the rest of my Israel journal, even though it's almost redundant now. I don't think I'll be able to keep blogging otherwise, with that unfinished thing itching at the corner of my mind. I've been back just over a month, and if it weren't for my journal and the 40 new friends on my facebook, I wouldn't believe I'd ever been. Feels like a dream...


5th July - Monday

The last day with the soldiers. We start by "climbing" Mt Masada in a cable car - most of the boys got really drunk last night and Gennady vomits everywhere. We hang out on the top of Masada for a while, listening to Daniel tell us about the history of the place and taking stupid photos with the soldiers. While everybody goes on a mini tour, a few of us sit in the shade of the original ruins and reconstructed buildings. Adam and I talk a little bit about our shared musical tastes.

I've come to like the soldier girls so much and will be sad to see them go - not to mention Asaf, who has become like my best friend and annoying little brother all in one. We rib each other the whole day through. Yael has set him the challenge of giving us each a non-sarcastic compliment before he leaves.

Next we are taken to Ein Gedi, where we are supposed to do a short hike and then have a swim. The hike is actually about half an hour and it's brutally hot in the sun. Tzlil and I walk together and are losing our minds in the heat. I feel better about how much I hate the hike when there's a soldier next to me feeling the same way. When we finally reach the top, a few minutes behind everyone else, we are greeted with the sight of them all turning to head back down the path. It turns out that Daniel has just wanted to show us a waterfall, and the swimming hole is actually halfway back down. Tzlil and I both look like we are ready to kill somebody, and Yael laughs at my torment.

The swimming hole, when we eventually get there, is really beautiful - complete with a little waterfall and all. They try to send the men and women to separate swimming holes but it doesn't last.

Reluctantly we leave for the Dead Sea and it's nothing like what I expect. The water is HOT, like a bath, and supremely uncomfortable. Floating on actual chairs is pretty amazing, but I can't spend more than five minutes in the water. My skin starts to feel scaly and weird.

All day Inbar doesn't swim, which makes me realise that no matter how beautiful the woman or which side of the world she was born in, we all have our insane insecurities.

Tonight we're staying in Dimona (Asaf: Dimona? It's like someone took a big shit in the middle of the desert), and on the way we stop in a park so that the soldiers can talk to us about how the program has affected them, and we can talk a bit about how they've affected us. When we get to Dimona we say our goodbyes and Asaf tells me quietly, "you're the smartest girl here". I think that's his compliment. I don't know what he tells Yael.

As soon as I get to my room, my head hits the pillow and I'm out for the night. Not even dinner can rouse me.


6th July - Tuesday

I spend most of today sitting out the activities - I am beyond exhausted and even more contemplative than usual. When they take us to ride camels I consider doing it for a moment, but it's more because I'd feel like an idiot for passing up the opportunity than because I actually want to. I decide to sit in one of the Bedouin tents instead, and spend the time talking to the two rabbis and to Inbar.

Inbar tells me about why she can't dance or drink this year - she is mourning. We talk a bit about it and I can see the tears under her sunglasses. Have you ever met one of those people with such golden hearts that light just shines out of their faces? I have known only two or three. They make the world brighter.

When the others get back from the camel rides, we sit and listen to a Bedouin man tell us a bit about how he lives - that he is not Jewish but he is Israeli; that the way he lives means there is no hospital nearby; that there are camels instead of cars - he is funny and insightful. Maybe it takes a simpler life to master these simple qualities.

Then to Kibbutz Revivim, where we eat the vegetables they grow there, and make our own pita bread. I abandon Marc for a little while on the bus and sit with Joel, who is leaving early tomorrow. Joel has been an exercise in learning for me - he is one of my favourite people on the program and the complete antithesis of everybody I'm friends with back home. He's Jewish, plays football, works for Coca Cola, goes for daily runs, and has $400 Prada sunglasses. A lesson never to judge too early.

At night everybody wants to go out for a drink, so our very accommodating rabbis try to find us a bar. Because we're in Dimona, everything is closed, so they take us to an all night supermarket where everybody (except for Yael and I, it seems) buys alcohol. I spend some time on the walk over talking to Margarita, who I really like (really is underlined in my journal), and then Adam and Joel. When we get back to the hotel most everybody gets very drunk, and I retreat into my mind and the computer. I spend two hours making a blog post and then the Internet crashes and I can't post it.

Sleep.

Fallout Boy says:
why why why won't the world revolve around me?

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